Creepy Pillow

A generous relative gave me a $100 Tempurpedic pillow a few months ago made of the space-age Swedish foam that conforms to your body’s shape. I came to it expecting neck comfort. Instead…

First, it drains all the heat from your body as your head vainly tries to come to tempramental homeostasis with it. It is like sleeping in wet cement.

Second, it has the consistence of a fairly firm part of the human body, so I’ll wake up thinking that I’ve been wrapped in my wife’s left arm only to find that I’ve spent the night snuggling into space-age Swedish foam. This flashes me back to when I was in college and a coed who was out of my league put her foot up against mine under a lunch table. She didn’t move it, so I wiggled mine and soon we were playing footsie, me smiling knowingly — is “leering” the word I want? — at her as she played it real cool amidst all of our friends.

Then my pal Jeff left and I discovered I’d become sexually aroused by his knapsack.

Just think, for $1500 we could have a full mattress of the stuff.

Categories: Uncategorized dw