Britt Blaser‘s group has put together a timeline of the Foley affair, which is both informative and a cool widget. [Tags: britt_blaser timeline foley politics misc__]

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Unfortunately, due to the accelerated pace of the Internet, my political opponents unearthed a fact about my past that looks more damning than it was, I denied it, new evidence showed that I was not being completely forthright, the story mushroomed, and as a result, this morning I reluctantly announce I am no longer a candidate for the presidency of this great land.

My campaign is over, but the dream lives on in the hearts of all of you, my supporters. Your hard work has touched my heart. I have learned so much about America in the long six minutes of my candidacy. I will never forget you.

God bless America. [Tags: politics humor]

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My platform:

Let’s lower our national expectations to something a little more reasonable.

Declare victory in Phase One of the war on terrorism (Operation Big Wounded Bear Swinging Its Arms) and begin Phase Two (Operation Being Smart About It).

End the current superstitious rituals at airport security that any fifteen year old could figure out how to get around. Instead, require every passenger to rub a lucky rabbit foot.

Pass SHANANA: Stop the Hilarious Absurdity: No Acronyms Naming Anything act.

Resuscitate humility.

Stop asking G-d to bless us after every speech. He doesn’t like needy people.

Put the “pro-life” back into “nuclear non-proliferation” by unilaterally scrapping all of our nuclear weapons.

New high priority task for the Army Corps of Engineers: Build drive-in movies. Everyone loves drive-ins.

New policy about gays in the military: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Care. Be Fabulous.”

Start a distributed Peace Corps. Step two: Figure out what that means.

All test drives of SUVs must contain a segment in which they drive under water. (Playing the taped message from Al Gore is optional.)

Tough new copyright law provides works with a full fifteen years of protection…one more than our Founding Parental Units intended.

Printed newspapers by law will have to backdate themselves one day.

Increase national curiosity.

Government offices will use open source software unless they’re being punished.

I’m tired of tough justice. Let’s get some tender-hearted judges on the bench.

Since we’re not trying to turn out standard kids, why do we educate them to pass standardized tests? New option: To get a high school diploma, either pass a standardized test or be a wiseass in public.

I’d be wrong in public. A lot. I’m good at that!

Any senior government official who does not blog has “[bureaucrat]” appended to her title.

Marijuana would be as legal as alcohol, but only until you’re 35. Frankly, after that it’s time to grow up.

Lawrence Lessig gets to work out with Susan Crawford which one heads the FCC and which goes on the Supreme Court.

Secretary of the Internet becomes the first wiki-based cabinet post.

Dick Cheney goes to jail, even if we have to plant something on him.

I will never ever clear brush on vacation. That is my solemn pledge to you, my fellow Americans. [Tags: politics humor]

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A man joined the crowd around Dick Cheney at a conference in Colorado and told him that he thinks Cheney’s Iraq policies are “reprehensible.” Secret Service officers handcuffed him and charged him with assaulting the vice president. This makes perfect sense since, under new definition of torture as “aggressive questioning,” the man was torturing Cheney.

In other news, President Bush assaulted the Constitutional separation of powers again today, signing a Congressional mandate that FEMA heads be minimally qualified for the job by adding a big “…NOT!” to it in the form of yet another “signing statement.” [Tags: cheney george_bush free_speech signing_statements fema]

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Deval Patrick, the Democratic candidate for governor of Massachusetts, is being attacked by his Republican rival for writing letters in support of paroling a convicted rapist, Benjamin LaGuer, who has been in jail since 1983. When a DNA test showed that LaGuer was guilty (a finding LaGuer and a bunch of DNA experts dispute), Patrick dropped his support. So, Patrick is soft on crime because he believes justice sometimes miscarries and/or because he believes in the possibility of redemption. Outrageous!

Then I saw photos of the prisoner and his erstwhile supporter.

Deval Patrick

Benjamin LaGuer

There’s something they have in common that I can’t put my finger on. Both in suits? Nah, that’s not it. The way they’re holding their hands? Nah. Similar haircuts? Nope.

Wait, no, it couldn’t be—dare I utter the unutterable word in this contest—race? Surely the Republican campaign wouldn’t have chosen this issue because—although I doubt they ever put it to themselves like this—it associates an African-American candidate with an African-American rapist. Why, the Republicans would never ever Willy Horton stoop so low as to imply that a Democratic candidate would fail to defend our women from those predatory, over-sexed Black men.

What I truly don’t understand is why the Boston Globe has been giving this charge the front page treatment. Why this one among all the other charges coming out of the desperate Republican campaign, some of which are on actual matters of substance? The Globe ought to be ashamed that it’s fallen for the Republicans’ plausibly-deniable racist appeal. [Tags: politics deval_patrick racism media journalism]

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RootsCamps are bar camps — self-organizing conferences where everyone is a presenter — for grassroots organizers. About a dozen are already scheduled or proposed. Find one or organize one here. [Tags: rootscamp barcamp politics]

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Why is it that I think that Congress voting to authorize torture is a bigger scandal than Republican leadership covering up a Congressman molesting his aides?

Foley is a sick bastard preying on children entrusted to his care. What he did was wrong and illegal. But the torture “compromise” creates a new legal norm. Tortured the wrong guy? Whoops, too bad. The victim gets dropped off in a field somewhere and the torturer goes home to watch TV. Tortured the right guy? Whoops, there goes any protection for captured Americans. Whoops, there goes what’s left of America’s claim to moral uprightness. Oh well, easy come, easy go, I guess.

After 5.5 of years of unimaginable confinement and torture, John McCain can’t lift his arms higher than his shoulders. How does he justify to himself giving an inch on an anti-torture bill? Whatever claim McCain had to placing morality higher than political expediency, he just lost it. In that regard, he’s actually making Hillary look good, which takes some doing.* [Tags: foley politics torture john_mccain hillary_clinton]

*She voted for a war out of political expediency. That’s a bad thing to do. IMO.

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The Green Media Toolshed Media Contact Database is a directory of journalists built by a distributed base of 20,000 volunteers and designed for use by non-profit groups. At PDF Micah Sifry interviews the founder, Martin Kearns. [Tags: media politcs everything_is_miscellaneous journalism citizen_journalism everything_is_miscellaneous]

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Jimmy Carter is spearheading an effort to get Democrats living abroad to vote absentee. Register here. Video here. [Tags: politics democrats]

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John Palfrey notes that small-chance candidate for the Massachusetts governorship, Christy Mihos, has taken the domain http://www.kerryhealy.com; the Republican candidate is Kerry Healey. “Who wants a governor who cheats — or whose staff cheats — in such an obvious, silly way?” asks JP, rhetorically. If Mihos were doing something fun or amusing with the typosquat, I wouldn’t care. But just redirecting to your own homepage? It’s an unworthy trick. [Tags: politics john_palfrey christy_mihos]

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