April 5, 2020
Why is Zooming this night different than all other nights?
Circulating on the Internemets is some timely Passover pandemic humor. It will just be mysterious unless you’re familiar with the part of the Haggadah (the book read during the seder) that talks about the four children. (Hat tip to my sister-in-law, Maria Benet for passing it along.)
The Torah Speaks of Four Kinds of People Who Use Zoom:
- The Wise
- The Wicked
- The Simple
- The One Who Does Not Know How to “Mute”
The Wise Person says: “I’ll handle the Admin Feature Controls and Chat Rooms, and forward the Cloud Recording Transcript after the call.”
The Wicked Person says: “Since I have unlimited duration, I scheduled the meeting for six hours—as it says in the Haggadah, whoever prolongs the telling of the story, harei zeh ‘shubach, is praiseworthy.”
The Simple Person says: “Hello? Am I on? I can hear you but I can’t see you.”or: “I can see you, but I can’t hear you.”
The One Who Does Not Know How to Mute says: “How should I know where you put the keys? I’m stuck on this stupid Zoom call with these idiots.”
* * * * *
To the Wise Person you should offer all of the Zoom Pro Optional Add-On Plans.
To the Wicked Person you should say: “Had you been in charge, we would still be in Egypt.”
To the Simple Person you should say: “Try the call-in number instead.”
To the One Who Does Not Know How to Mute you should say: “Why should this night be different from all other nights?”
— Rabbi Richard Hirsch, Pesach 2020
