October 14, 2003
Flight Card
Now this is some grim-ass humor. [Thanks to Jeff Mcmanus for the link.]
Speaker info
Atom Feed
October 13, 2003
Caption Contest
OutsideTheBeltway is running a caption contest with a photo from the most recent Democratic debate.
September 18, 2003
Counterfeit Bush
The police in North Carolina are looking for the person who successfully used a $200 bill with a photo of W on it to pay for some stuff. The Smoking Gun has the picture of it. (Thanks to Dave Wasser for the link.)
Talk like a Priate
September 16, 2003
Coffee Standardization & Double Punchlined Jokes
Gary Turner is proposing that Universal Beverage Code for telling vending machines exactly what beverage you would like:
Eventually, an extra milky, extra sugar decaf latte will always be number 283 regardless of which make and model of vending machine …
Oh, please sign me up for the steering committee! I can’t wait to insist that all coffees made with hot milk simply have to begin with the digit 5.
But that reminds me of the only joke I know that has two punchlines:
A new prisoner is at his first lunch. A prisoner stands up and calls out “73” and everyone laughs. Another one stands up and calls out “142” and everyone laughs. The new prisoner asks his table companion what’s going on. “Oh,” says the companion, “we’ve been here so long that we’ve memorized a book of jokes, so now we save time just by calling out the number of the joke.”
So the new prisoner figures he might as well give it a try. He stands up and confidently calls out “56.” No one laughs. “What did I do wrong?” he asks his companion.
PUNCHLINE #1: “Well, you have to know how to tell a joke,” the companion says.
PUNCHLINE #2: “We’ve heard that one before,” the companion says.
Anyone know any other jokes with multiple punchlines?
Accessibility
Chris “RageBoy” Locke has learned an important lesson from me about sensitivity to the needs of others. You might want to try out his way of making his page more legible for those with various seeing disabilities.
Oh, it’s a proud proud day for the Weinberger family name…
August 21, 2003
Black Friends
Black Friends
Find out why Black People Love Sally and Johnny. It’s bad taste, it’s satire, and it’s a little bit funny…sort of like Saturday Night Live.
August 18, 2003
Things City-Boys Believe
If you just miss seeing a deer, it’s not a big deal because another one will be along in 20 minutes.
Whatever size black bear you come upon, there is a larger one hidden in the brush behind it, watching its back.
Mosquitoes won’t bite you if you walk confidently with your eyes straight ahead.
Bees know exactly what you mean when you give them the finger.
You can estimate the distance of a lightning strike by timing how long it takes after the sound of thunder for you to pull the pillow over your head.
Spiders are male mosquitoes.
Lightning never strikes the same person twice.
Turtles bury themselves in the mud all winter to survive the freezing cold. Robins do too, but much less successfully.
The sound bullfrogs make is a form of boasting. In most cases, it’s totally baseless.
The problem with swimming within half an hour of eating isn’t that you may cramp but that your center of gravity is moveable, causing an unappealing lopiness in your breast stroke.
Lightning never strikes the same person twice.
If you spot a snake anywhere, it could show up on any contiguous piece of land, indefinitely.
All snakes are poisonous.
The 60-cycle thrum of large herds of migrating hummingbirds makes conversation impossible for three days in Savannah Georgia and drives several citizens mad annually.
July 21, 2003
Good, clean penguin fun
Give this four seconds and it will make you laugh.
July 15, 2003
Let the class warfare begin!
The latest Denouncement continues the proud Net tradition of mocking AOLers:
Sen. Charles Schumer, D-NY, and Sen. Maria Cantwell, D-WA, announced today that the “Blogosphere Purity Act” would in effect ban America Online “from encouraging, facilitating, or otherwise supporting the creation of web logs, or blogs, among its users.”
More here.
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