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July 27, 2006
Stephen Colbert brilliantly plays the media.
It gets hilarious when he starts showing quick clips of the morning shows.
(Here’s Stewart on Crossfire.) [Tags: stephen_colbert jon_stewart media]
July 20, 2006
U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales today threatened Dick Wolf, the producer of the top-rated television program, Law and Order, with confinement in the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay for “providing terrorists and organized crime with classified information that will make it easier for them to frustrate the efforts of United States officials investigating their deadly actions.” While the Attorney General stopped short of accusing Wolf of treason, he implied that the government might seek penalties associated with that crime.
At issue is an episode of Law and Order that aired in March in which Detective Nina Gafney and Detective Ed Green (played by Milena Govitch and Jesse L. Martin, respectively) discussed using the “Good Cop, Bad Cop” routine to break down a suspect. After some banter, the two decide that Detective Gafney will be the “bad cop.” The ploy meets with limited success.
At a press conference, Attorney General Gonzales expressed outrage that this investigative technique was exposed by the media. “Now terrorists will know that the bad cop’s meanness, the slamming of his fist onto the table, the outright refusal to get the terrorist a Mountain Dew or even a cup of coffee, all that will look like play-acting,” Gonzales said. “And when the good cop comes in, the terrorist will play along, get the soda and the cigarette, but not give up any valuable information in order to bond with the investigator.” Gonzales claimed that this technique now is “null and void” and that Dick Wolf “has brought comfort to our enemies and has made America less safe.” He added, “This is the type of thing that gets people sent to Guantanamo. Or worse.”
Asked about the popular series 24, Gonzales responded with praise. “Now there’s a show that sends a positive message to our enemies,” he said. “We will stay up all night to hunt you down, especially if you kidnap our comely Canadian daughters.” [Tags: politics television humor]
July 13, 2006
BoldHeaded has turned Sen. Ted Stevens’ explanation of the Internet into a rap [Tags: internet ted_stevens tubes rap]
July 12, 2006
Why do some people — exclude the disabled and those carrying bulky packages — stand on a down escalator instead of walking? You know how hard it is to walk up stairs? That’s because of gravity, people, and it works just in reverse when you’re going down. Going down, gravity is your friend.
Look, if you’re on an escalator, it’s because you’re going somewhere. Do you not want to get there? Are you going to have your teeth filed or to explain to your lawyer why your check to her bounced? If not, then walk down the flipping escalator already! Or at least stand to one side in shame so those of us who understand gravity aren’t trapped into admiring the back of your neck.
Jeez!
July 6, 2006
Vince Foster killed Ken Lay.
June 29, 2006
AKMA thinks it says something about his family that two weekends ago his family went to see A Prairie Home Companion and this past weekend they saw An Inconvenient Truth.
I can’t speak for AKMA’s family, but those were the last two movies I saw and, yes, it says everything you need to know about me. I am 100% stereotypical. If you know one thing I believe, you know everything I believe.
So, I’m thinking of developing a quirky belief. Something out of left field, so to speak. Something that will make me memorable and give me something to talk about beyond the usual “I know, and what’s even more appalling about ‘President’ Bush is…”
For conversational purposes, the quirky belief has to have some quirky reason I believe it. I’m thinking about:
Favoring capital punishment. Not for revenge or deterrence but because “a society that can’t kill, can’t love.” Supporting the Star Wars missile interception program because the R&D might prove crucial in preventing the spread of avian flu: “Imagine a flock of infected swallows flying over our southern border…”
Opposing gay marriage because “homosexual promiscuity is the last reminder that freedom is the joy of sex.” Opposing animal rights because “rights result from verbal contracts, and ‘Bow-wow’ isn’t recognized as a binding contract in any court in the Union.”
Supporting nuclear power “because the possibility of melt-downs and the dangers of storing nuclear waste remind us that life is composed of risks both acute and chronic. No place to hide, baby.” Supporting drilling in Alaska as a declaration of our species’ commitment to winning The War on the Wilderness.
I’m not saying these make sense. I’m just saying they’d make me interesting. And believe me, I could use some of that.
[Tags: akma politics humor liberals birkenstocks volvos]
June 27, 2006
Not only should English be declared the official language of the United States, we ought to make the official language English without an accent. That’s how much of an American patriot I am!
(Please check out what “modest proposal” means before flaming me. Thank you.) [Tags: humor immigration]
June 16, 2006
Wikimania, the big Wikipedia confab, is happening Aug. 4-6, on the Harvard Law School campus. It looks like it’s going to be terrific. And because the Berkman Center has been involved a bit, I’ve gotten to see how Wikimania is being organized.
I’m happy to say that it is being done entirely bottom-up. For example, take the meals. Everyone brings what they think is the best food. So, perhaps you place your organic peanut butter on the buffet table. I remove it, because clearly my Tofurkey is objectively better than your PB — better tasting and better for you. If you disagree, you can “roll back” the table to your PB, although I’m within my rights to re-replace it with my Tofurkey. This goes on until we come to some neutral food offering (NFO), such as peanut-butter-and-Tofurkey salad. Thus the issue is resolved, at least until some non-NFO bastard replaces our joint offering with some godawful sweet and sour soy ball crap.
See you there! [Tags: wikipedia wikimania humor]
June 13, 2006
1. Go for a routine stress test and have to give up after 13 minutes, with the treadmill ratcheted up to “Lollygagging,” because that’s all your little chinchilla legs can take.
2. When the medical technician takes your blood pressure, she says, “Hmm, looks like I’ll have to get the smaller cuff.”
But seriously, I’m fine.
June 12, 2006
Robert Scoble has announced he’s leaving Microsoft. On the heels of the promotion of blogger Jonathan Schwartz to the position of CEO of Sun, the Blogosphere has lost its only two examples of corporations productively allowing non-CEO employees to blog.
Pundit Doc Searls commented, “Now we’re down to three CEO bloggers and like a gazillion teenagers writing how much they hate their English teacher.”
In a note pinned to its site, the Blogosphere said it was going to “shut up about itself” for a while until it had time to come up with some new examples. [Tags: scoble humor blogging blogosphere]
PS: The Boston Globe illustrated its AP story about Scoble with a photo of Shel Israel, Robert’s co-author. You can see just a bit of Robert’s ear and eye where he’s been carefully cropped out of the photo.
PPS: Best of luck, Robert.
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