LOLfed — all the economic news you want, now in LOLcat.

[Tags: economics lolcat humor ]

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If spoilers were as incompetently directed and edited as Quantum of Solace:

Kwantom of Solars begins with this bigg car chase where it luks like a heliokopter is going to smash into a tunnel, but it turns out that the haliockropter is rally just where the camera is. Anyways, Jammes Bond lives at the end of the caar chase. Oh, but first there’s this carr chaise where three carrs are all the same, even the colorr is the same because they’re black, and they’re filmed like all quick and everything. So, one of the carz is going real fast, and another car is oh and there’s a truck, but it’s all smudgy in the shooting, so another carr or maybe the first carr is shooting at the second smudge and then the first smduge, no wait, it was the second no wait it was the third, well, no then the third smudge would be shooting at itself, anyway the blurry one is now the traffic is going the other way and there’s a truck and two of the smudges are clunking up against one and other, and wait one of them probully has Jumms Bornd in it and twank twank you here the zounds of them bullits twanking and it’s really exxciting what harppened?

[Tags: movies james_bond quantum_of_solace spoilers marc_forster incompetent_directors humor ]

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I’ve come to look forward to Jason Linkins ultra-snarky live-blogging of the Sunday morning news talk shows. Very funny. Here’s today’s.

[Tags: news jason_linkins snark politics ]

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I had a birthday recently. I find the happy birthday greetings sent from computer lists — the Prius Chat Forums and from UnusedWidget.com — to be merely inept marketing. But the jovial greeting from my dentist’s clinic sticks in my craw.

I have no personal relationship with the Prius or widget software, but the dentist is a guy who sticks his fingers in my mouth and asks me to spit in his presence. That’s intimate. So, getting a generic birthday greeting from his clinic’s computer is less than meaningless. If next time I’m in he wants to ask me how my birthday was, that’d be a reasonable topic of discussion. If he were to to call me up to wish me a happy birthday, I’d find that a little forced and weird. But having his computer set to send me wishes for a day that no human there observes, notes, or acts on, well, what type of fool does he take me for?

Of course, you don’t want to express that to someone who puts literal sticks in your craw, and who with a single tap can say, “Yup, that one’ll need to come out.”

I’m fine with telling you that I was born in 1950, but I don’t announce my birth date precisely so people won’t feel obliged to say “Happy birthday.” So, just skip it. I am, however, open to receiving presents. Year ’round. I’m a size should-lose-some-weight, who loves the works of artists-he-never-knew-he-liked.

[Tags: birthday dentist personalization one-to-one_marketing marketing cluetrain crotchety_old_man ]

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Yesterday, President-Elect Barack Obama received his first deep intelligence briefing, also known as The Bad News. Here is what he learned:

1. Chief source of carbon emission: Printing money for the bail-out.

2. The jobless rate counts looking for work as a full-time job.

3. Loose nukes now available only in blister-packs of six.

4. The Taliban are now twice as fierce, having discovered the awesome power of having a good breakfast.

5. World of Warcraft: Totally fact-based.

6. American is unprepared for any biological attack that involves nookie.

7. The fate of the earth depends upon the President taking time every summer to personally fight the invasion of demonic space aliens who look surprisingly like brush.

8. The Constitution was suspended by secret Presidential order in 2002. The country is now governed by a Magic 8-Ball in a secret annex of the National Archive. The good news: Signs point to yes.

9. Sarah Palin accidentally was briefed first. So, yes, Alaska has been engaged in a secret air war with Russia, Africa is now a country…

10. The Iraq War has actually been over since 2005. What’s been going on since then is what counts in Iraq as peace.

11. As the result of extensive plastic surgery, Osama Bin Laden has successfully penetrated this country, and, what’s especially awkward for you, Mr. President-Elect, is that he’s been living in the Chicago suburbs under the name … wait for it … “William Ayers.”

[I know that’s eleven of them. That’s so you can disregard the one you like least. And thanks to Crosbie Fitch for coming up with this idea in his comment on a prior post. Crosbie also points to South Park‘s take on it.] [Tags: obama politics humor ]

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I am in totaly Superstition Lockdown mode. I cannot say Obama’s [knock wood] name without knocking wood. My cardboard cut-out of Obama [knock wood] now has a “I’m a big fat loser” sign strung on it.

Only a few more hours in which I have to maintain this awful burden of forced pessimism.

(Thanks to Colin McClay for the link to the video.)

[Tags: politics election obama_(knock_wood) ]

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This video pretends to be from YouTube’s origins in 1985. Cute.

[Tags: youtube humor ]

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Happy Halloween.

[Tags: halloween racism ]

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Remember this “wassup” ad? Here’s the update. BoingBoing says it’s the same cast.

[Tags: politics obama humor ]

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Adolf Hitler Is A Meme

Yeah, it’s Hitler. Yeah, it’s funny. Yeah, those things aren’t supposed to go together. But I think this is a terrific piece. Brilliant, even.

Now let the pre-emptive defense begin [SPOILERS AHEAD]: Would the Internets have brought down Hitler? Nah. But that’s the overstatement that makes this video provocative and funny. And the statements revealed by the overstatement I think are true: The Internet is able to trivialize everything, for better and for worse. E.g., The connected culture of the Internet makes it harder to take demagogues (or at least a certain style of demagogue) seriously.

Or, as Barry Goldwater once didn’t say: Trivializing the self-aggrandizing is no vice, although aggrandizing the trivial is not much of a virtue.

FWIW, I can’t find a way to take the reference to “6 million views,” with its obvious call to the 6 million members of my family who were murdered, that isn’t disturbing.

[Tags: hitler internet_culture lolcats satire banality_of_evil evil_of_banality ]

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