Sopranos : Failure to spoil

Actually, there’s a huge spoiler in this post if you didn’t see the first episode of the new season.

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I can’t believe I posted predictions about the new season and did not post what I’ve told a few people was my hope for the show: Kill Tony in the first episode and tell the entire story in flashback. That way we get over the “What happens to Tony?” question, which is always up to the semi-arbitrary whim of the writers, and can focus on how and why it happens. Now that looks like a real possibility for the show.

The first episode was, IMO, brilliant.

[Tags: sopranos]

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[PHONY SPOILER ALERT!!!!]

Obviously, I have no idea what will really happen in the Sopranos’ last season. Nevertheless, I approach this with a certainty that allows for no contradiction. Beyond any doubt, the following will occur. (I just enjoy setting myself up for a fall.)

Chris is a dead man. It’d be nice if they’d bring Martin Scorsese for a guest shot, so to speak, as the assassin. But it’s more likely that he’ll be killed in an ignominious way, perhaps taking a head wound after an unfortunate silicon explosion at the Badabing Club.

Carmela and Meadow survive so they can console each other. AJ, however, is going upriver. Tony will have to sell him out, perhaps to save Meadow. Or maybe Meadow sells him out. I leave that up to the writers’ discretion.

In the final episode, Tony will be sent to jail for something relatively small. His cellmate bears an uncanny resemblance to his dead mother. Tony’s psychiatrist is the only one who comes to visit him.

There’s been a lot of speculation about the Russian mobsters who hang, unresolved, over the plot returning to kill Paulie. But I think Paulie not only will live, he’ll inherit Tony’s operation.

And he’ll immediately sell it to the Russian mob. [Tags: sopranos television]

Another possibility occurred to me this morning: Christopher is forced to turn Tony in. Chris goes straight, thanks to the witness relocation program. Tony reports to jail rather blithely, saying he’ll have no trouble doing the time. As we see the gang sit leaderless and rudderless at the bar at the Baddabing, we see Tony being eyed by another prisoner whom the show has already established is out to kill him. The end.

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Our Jonny was fine, but if you weren’t already a Stewartiac, you wouldn’t know what the fuss was. He was ok, escaped with his dignity, and gave us a few laughs. But shorn of his politic focus, he was just another comedian.

On the other hand, that gay cowboy montage was hilarious. [Tags: jon stewart oscars]

Wesley Morris, a critic for the Boston Globe, writes about the lack of out gay stars:

It’s fine for Hollywood to urge gay tolerance. But it should give America an actual homosexual to tolerate first.

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Here are my predictions, based on a studious not-seeing of any of the major movies and a failure to correctly predict Oscar winners for 25 consecutive years. (The numbers indicates my degree of certainty.)

Picture: Brokeback 1.0
Directing: Brokeback 0.9
Actress: Reese Witherspoon 1.0
Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman 1.0
Supporting Actress: Michelle Williams 0.6
Supporting Actor: George Clooney 0.75
Animated Feature: Wallace & Gromit (0.8)
Cinematography: Brokeback (0.9)
Costume: Geisha (0.8)
Doc. Feature: Penguins (0.8)
Doc. Short: God Sleeps (0.7)
Foreign: Paradise Now (0.4)
Score: Brokeback (0.6)
Song: Crash (0.7)
Makeup: Cinderella (0.5)
Editing: Crash (0.5)
Effects: King Kong (0.8)
Sound editing: King Kong (0.5)
Sound mixing: Memoirs (0.5)
Adapted Screenplay: Brokeback (0.7)
Original Screenplay: Crash (0.9)
Short film, live: Last Farm (0.4)
Short film, animated: Band (0.3)

Now that you know who wins, you can relax and enjoy Jon Stewart. You’re welcome!

[Tags: oscars stupid_predictions]

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CSOonline sent a bunch of security folks to see the movie Firewall. Is it realistic? Allow me to quote Dennis Treece on just one small point:

And he has the requisite blindingly fast and error-free typing skills, without even looking at the keyboard, which Hollywood demands of its geek heroes. Once again, nah, I don’t think so.

It’s a fun set of reviews. [Tags: movies harrison_ford security reviews]

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A few weeks ago, I got a promotional copy of a novel in the mail. Institutionalized is written by “Fred Smith & Joe Schmoe,” whom I suspect are pseudonyms. (Since the book is copyrighted by Noel Guinane and Cassandra Helm, I’m pretty sure I’m right about that.) I enjoyed it despite itself, and I’m not entirely sure why.

The book tells about ten weeks in the life of Institutionalized Industries, a global plastics manufacturer. It’s a rough ten weeks, starting with the egomaniacal CEO hiring a maverick VP of Sales pretty much on a whim. The vp is as close as the book gets to having a good guy, or at least someone who isn’t a lunatic. The company undergoes crises caused by the depravity of the management team. It’s quite entertaining.

But it’s entertaining despite the fact that the satire is way too broad for my taste. For example, remember that egomaniacal CEO? His name is Bill Oge. The maverick sales vp? His last name is Kirevam. Yes, almost all the main characters’ names are their distinguishing trait spelled backwards. And the characterizations are about as subtle as The Lockhorns. Their worst traits are endlessly put before us: One of them chews pencils like a beaver, the CEO has a Napoleon complex, etc.

So, this should be at best a mixed review. But the truth is that I really enjoyed it despite what I just said. Although I didn’t care about any of the characters, I enjoyed watching them and their company fall apart. And it parodies typical office communications — the weekly pep talk, the self-serving memo, and yes, even blogs — with glee.

Here’s the Amazon link if you want to see for yourself. (This is a book that would really benefit from having a chapter or two posted on the Web.) [Tags: books Institutionalized satire]

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Just in case you were looking for the most complete scholarly explanation of where the Darling family, of Clarissa Knows It All, lives.

Personally, I think they live next door to the Simpsons. [Thanks to Leah Weinberger for the link.] [Tags: trivia clarissa tv]

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I just watched this week’s Arrested Development. It was an hilarious plea to be kept on the air.

The episode plugged www.SaveOurBluths.com, a fan site dedicated to keeping the show on the air.

And remember, when you’re done writing to Fox executives, pop one off to your Congressperson asking her or him to begin the impeachment proceedings already.

[Tags: arrestedDevelopment tv comedy impeachment]

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King Kong defines what it means to get your money’s worth. Now that’s movie making! Yes, it’s “just” an entertainment, but you try imagining an entertainment like that.

Peter Jackson (with Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens) is an incredible story-teller. The Skull Island segment is a non-stop 45-minute (30 min? 60 min? I wasn’t checking my watch) action sequence that’s brilliant in its choreography, visual imagination, clarity and articulation. As the twists twisted, I was laughing with glee at such barrelhouse film-making.

And it’s not just chest-beating and dino-bashing (much as I liked both those things). Jackson gets at the mystery of inarticulate connection in a way that the original did not. In fact, he gets at it in a way that few have.

So, no, not great art. But great entertainment.

March of the Penguins can’t help but be fascinating since the life cycle of emperor penguins is so unintelligently designed that it’s as close to fiction as facts get. The movie is awesome.

But…

First, it goes on too long. (I know that’s the usual complaint about King Kong, but I would only have cut a few minutes out of the final battle.) The penguins drudge across endless frozen vistas. The penguins huddle. Got it.

Second, it doesn’t answer some obvious questions, including: “How the hell did they make this movie?????” and “What would have happened if having humans around disrupted the penguins’ reproductive cycle?” (If an emperor penguin had set up a camera in our bedroom, I can guarantee you that we wouldn’t have had children.) Fortunately, there’s a “making of” feature on the DVD that does answer those questions and more, including how exactly the feathered comedians get it on. [Tags: KingKong MarchOfThePenguins movies films penguins IntelligentDesign PeterJackson]

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Go here, and don’t forget to bring your eyeballs. (Link via Tim Bray.) [Tags: illusion OpticalIllusion]

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