Top, oh, 14 ways to tell you’re in a hip hotel
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It’s named a letter, a number, a letter or number spelled out as a word, or has some completely generic name, like “Hotel.”
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The entire staff at the reception desk put together weighs less than one standard American.
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Color in the lobby is taken as an affront to style.
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The minibar only has liquors you’ve never heard of, except for the beer which is Bud.
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Your room’s waste basket is so well-hidden that you don’t discover it until Day Three.
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They would rather let the shower flood the bathroom floor than put in a shower curtain or frosted door.
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There’s a full-length mirror in the shower.
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There’s a window to the outside in the shower. (Not only have I been in that hotel, but the window was frosted up to waist level. Holy sexist voyeurism, Batman!)
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Irregular furniture has sharp, shin-barking edges that are invisible at night.
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The pad of paper on the nightstand is made out of hemp and is accompanied by an old-fashioned pencil to encourage you to be authentic.
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The hotel restaurant (if there is one) only serves tiny, tiny food.
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If there is a concierge, and there probably isn’t, that person is called “city coach” or “wrangler,” or anything except “concierge.”
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If there is room service, the menu offers only kiddie food, but at adult prices: PB&J for $14, grilled American cheese on white bread for $18, and the mac ‘n’ cheese requires a credit check.
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The TV only gets ironic channels.
