The Supreme Court today followed the logic of its decision throwing out attempts to diversify public schools by throwing out all welfare programs. “In this country, we do not discriminate based upon your economic class,” wrote Chief Justice Roberts for the majority. “Next up: providing the poor with public defenders,” he promised in a footnote.

In the wake of this latest blow, the Democratic leadership of the Senate consulted actuarial tables to see when they are likely to have “a chance to replace one of these motherf*ckers,” and then committed mass suicide. “It was the only honorable thing to do,” said Harry Reid in his note. [Tags: politics supreme_court satire]

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