Good for Obama coming out with the fact that he’s used drugs. It was bound to be surfaced by “opposition researchers” at some point, so better that he rob the revelation of its power.
But that’s just the start. We all should get it all out of the way right now, in one gigantic Gotcha Fest, because we’re all guilty of just about everything and — thanks to the Internets — we’re all going to know just about everything about everyone.
Let me make it easy for us. Here’s a form you can post on your own site.
Preemptive Disclosure
Thievery
I stole:
as a kid as a teenager as an employee as a CEO
The cumulative amount I’ve stolen amounts to approximately:
$1-$9 $10-$99 $100-$999 $1,000-$9999 $10,000-$100,000 I work for a bank, an investment firm, or a large government contractor
Drugs
I have used:
alcohol marijuana cocaine meth LSD mescaline ecstasy heroin banana peels, nutmeg and other folk tales
I used drugs:
as a result of peer pressure (=in high school or younger) as a youthful indiscretion (=in college) recreationally (= in my thirites) during a difficult period (= forties) as a part of a pattern of dependency (= fifties) because I really, really like them (= sixties and beyond)
Sex
I have had sex:
before marriage outside of marriage with someone of the same gender with more than one person at a time with someone I paid with someone who paid me with other species
I have masturbated:
once, but I didn’t inhale lots of times so many times, so many many times within the past ten minutes can you hold on for just one more minute?
Lies
I have lied about:
my age my education my place of birth my employment history my service record how much I give to charity who wrote my book who writes my blog my gender certain elements of my anatomy about liking country music about caring about anyone except me
Religion
In truth, I go to my place of worship once every:
day week month year karmic lifecycle
One of my parents or grandparents was Jewish: True Will turn out to have been true
Vices
My vices not listed above include:
swearing nose picking smoking downloading MP3s downloading porn uploading porn making “blonde” jokes watching anything with Howie Mandel. I just find him funny!
