Unfortunately, due to the accelerated pace of the Internet, my political opponents unearthed a fact about my past that looks more damning than it was, I denied it, new evidence showed that I was not being completely forthright, the story mushroomed, and as a result, this morning I reluctantly announce I am no longer a candidate for the presidency of this great land.

My campaign is over, but the dream lives on in the hearts of all of you, my supporters. Your hard work has touched my heart. I have learned so much about America in the long six minutes of my candidacy. I will never forget you.

God bless America. [Tags: politics humor]

Categories: Uncategorized dw