AKMA thinks it says something about his family that two weekends ago his family went to see A Prairie Home Companion and this past weekend they saw An Inconvenient Truth.

I can’t speak for AKMA’s family, but those were the last two movies I saw and, yes, it says everything you need to know about me. I am 100% stereotypical. If you know one thing I believe, you know everything I believe.

So, I’m thinking of developing a quirky belief. Something out of left field, so to speak. Something that will make me memorable and give me something to talk about beyond the usual “I know, and what’s even more appalling about ‘President’ Bush is…”

For conversational purposes, the quirky belief has to have some quirky reason I believe it. I’m thinking about:

Favoring capital punishment. Not for revenge or deterrence but because “a society that can’t kill, can’t love.” Supporting the Star Wars missile interception program because the R&D might prove crucial in preventing the spread of avian flu: “Imagine a flock of infected swallows flying over our southern border…”

Opposing gay marriage because “homosexual promiscuity is the last reminder that freedom is the joy of sex.” Opposing animal rights because “rights result from verbal contracts, and ‘Bow-wow’ isn’t recognized as a binding contract in any court in the Union.”

Supporting nuclear power “because the possibility of melt-downs and the dangers of storing nuclear waste remind us that life is composed of risks both acute and chronic. No place to hide, baby.” Supporting drilling in Alaska as a declaration of our species’ commitment to winning The War on the Wilderness.

I’m not saying these make sense. I’m just saying they’d make me interesting. And believe me, I could use some of that.

[Tags: akma politics humor liberals birkenstocks volvos]

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