Today I won €2.5M, which is even more in dollars, in the Dutch Diplomats Charity yearly draw. Yesterday I won my weight in Nigerian nairas. A day does not go by without my winning a major international contest. I am the luckiest guy on the planet.

It has come to my attention, however, that most of these contests are not legitimate. Which poses a problem. What happens if I really do win the Hungarian International Firefighters Lottery or the Patagonian Mackerel Freedom Award? How can I avoid having that one swept away with the bogus ones?

So, if you administer a major contest, lottery or sweepstakes and are trying to reach me, could you please do me a favor and work the sentence “August smells wear rakes petunia” into the body of your message just so I know you’re for real?

Thank you very much. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. [Tags: spam]

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