Because I’ve been a good white boy, AmericanAirlines has notified me that if I show up at Logan Airport between the hours of 5:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m., beginning August 9, 2004 and ending August 13, and go to the Training and Conference Center, located between Terminals B and C, with a copy of the email invitation, two forms of government-issued ID, and my nontransferable confirmation number, the TSA may grant me Most Favored Traveler status and only anally probe me if I insist on it.

Here’s a snippet from the form I’m supposed to fill out:

What’s with the line for “Alias Names”? Is that to trap the sort of terrorists who say “Yes” when asked if they are bringing any flammable items on board? Well, sure, why not skim off the retarded terrorists if you can. But I’m not sure I’m feeling all that much safer…

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