Ethan Watters, author of Urban Tribes is talking about some anxieties he has about the current generation of youngsters. For example, this gen is delaying marriage longer than any in American history. They are, surveys show, more “out for themselves.” “They are freer,” Ethan says, “than any other generation”: Free from the commitments of their parents, freer from parental control, free of long-term commitments to jobs and places, freer in the available social options, free of commitment to national movements, free of a sense that they’ve been chosen from some higher mission.

We’re living in an unprecedented era of personal choice, he says. Where’s the fanfare? We’re living out the freedom that the Baby Boom broke the ground for but only play-acted.

So, what are we doing with that freedom, he asks. Are we squandering it, the way commentators have said? No, Ethan wrote his book in part spurred by such commentaries. They don’t describe his life and friends.

He says that we haven’t developed the narratives that allow us to give credit to friendship. We (i.e., Ethan’s gen) make households with our friends. We’re increasingly erasing the line between workmate and friend; we go into business with our friends. We create rituals like Burning Man. If we had narratives, we would see that we’re less apathetic than we seem.

How might these urban tribes create a landscape across a city. Urban tribes maximize “weak ties”: acquaintances at the edge of our circle friends. These become important when you try to find housing, a job, a romantic partner, etc. One layer away, says Ethan, are “shadow ties”: People who may come into our lives with a piece of information that will change our lives. Urban tribes maximize shadow tribes. “You end up with a network of thousands within which you can maneuver and navigate city life.”

These social networks are very hard to see. It’s a type of “dark matter”: a force that’s hard to see but that holds everything together. But they can make a difference: A web of weak acquaintances resulted in the toppling of the Berlin Wall.

So, Ethan says, Robert “Bowling Alone” Putnam is right that Ethan never joined a bowling league, but in any single nighht, he can tap into a network that allows him to do anything from playing frisbee to engaging in political action.

“I could almost make the case that this form of social network is better” because it’s continuous, not a set of monthly meetings. “It requires personal and constant involvement.” Within these groups, we don’t even think about the fact that we’re giving of ourselves. It’s more like social barter than social capital.

So, what has his gen done with their freedom? “We’ve had this massive experiment in the meaning of friendship, asking whether friendships can be enough sustain us emotional and bind together large communities.”

Q: What do you define as your gen?

A: 20-40 years old.

Q: You missed two important freedoms in your generation: Freedom of health and freedom from fear. The H-bomb was born the same year I was.

A: Yes, but now we’re beginning to realize how good that freedom from fear was.

Q: One of the strengths of weak ties is that they bring new stuff into your network. What do you mean by “shadow tie”?

A: I made up the term because I think I misrepresented the original meaning of “weak tie.” Shadow ties are people who we don’t currently know but who may enter our network.

Q: This is supposed to be an interactive but everyone is attached to their laptops.

A: The extent to which these groups can live exclusively via technology is a question I’m not prepared to answer.

Q: You’re mischaracterizing Putnam’s weak ties. They enable patterns of service.

A: Putnam simply didn’t see ultimate frisbee and Burning Man.

Q: You should characterize what you’re talking about as social currency, not social capitalism.

Q: How about dating?

A: Your most likely chance of finding someone to die is through weak ties and shadow ties. When you try to match people up one to one, you lack the trust that comes from working through intermediaries.

Q: What happens when you get married? [He’s asking my question off the IRC!]

A: I’m married and we had a baby 5 months ago. [He shows a picture. The baby is in a hat. Can’t get much cuter than that :)] I felt I had to step away from role in my tribe to take the risk of relationship. You invest in the relationship. And then you can step back into the group in a new way. It’s unclear what that new role is. I won’t be the person who plans the trip, but I’ll be a participant. For the tribe relationship not to just disappear, people have to recognize it, and give a name to it. [So, how many nights a week is Ethan thinking he’ll be away from his family? Just curious.] .

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