Although I’m frankly afraid of Marilyn Vos Savant, the World’s Smartest Person, she is wrong in her column in Parade today.

Which of the following sentences is grammatically correct: “I ran over him with my car,” or “I ran him over with my car”?
-Lee McKimmons, Glendale, Ariz.

I hope you’re just writing a novel, Lee. Anyway: “I ran over him with my car” is correct. This is called an “active” construction. Also correct is: “He was run over by my car.” This is a “passive” construction.

Also correct: “My car ran over him but I have an alibi” which is known as a “defensive” construction, “Really? I thought he was speed bump because I’d done like nine tequilla shooters in a row, dude” which is known as a “penal” construction and “Sentences are like skid marks over the life the have just ended” which is called an “active” deconstruction.

But what I meant to say is this: Imagine two scenarios.

A. You are driving along an Arizona highway (which, by the way, is one of the great niche magazines). It’s the middle of the night. You’re tired. It’s raining because you realize you’re not on a straight highway in Arizona but a twisty swamp road outside of New Orleans. You feel a bump, stop the car, get out, and discover that you’ve run over a refugee from the Mardi Gras who fell asleep in the middle of the road. Did you “run someone over” or “run over someone”?

B. It turns out that Swamp Thing was sitting by the side of the road and saw you tenderize the meal he’d been eying. With a mighty, swamplike roar, Thing comes after you. You hop into the car and start to drive. Swamp Thing stands in the middle of the road. There’s no way to turn around and reverse is broken. So, with a steely glint in your eye, you aim squarely at Swamp Thing. A sickening thud confirms that you…”ran him over” or “ran over him”?

Answers:

A: You done run someone over.

B. You think you ran him over, but you can’t be sure because of the pain from the steely glint in your eye.

So, go ahead, Marilyn, open up that can of whupsmartass on me. I may not be the World’s Smartest Person, but at least I’m, um, well … Hey, look over there!

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