AKMA has noticed that DarwinMag.com has me listed as a “guru” and wonders how I achieved that exalted status. Well, AKMA, it’s really quite simple:

Top Ten Ways to Become a Web Guru

Knowingly refer to Tim Berners-Lee as “Timmy Bacon-and-Lettuce”

Replace “air quotes” with “air brackets.”

Maintain that when you said last year that “The Internet isn’t a bubble, it’s the rock-solid foundation on which the new economy will last for millennia,” you weren’t talking about the Internet.

Always make fun of The Suits.

Be late for meetings because atoms got in the way of your bits.

Include a non-disclosure agreement in your wedding vows.

Bought a box of Tide? Add P&G to the list of companies you’ve worked with.

Never give a short answer.

In return for Google-worthy links to your site, do “certain favors” for the Russian Mafia.

Never begin a sentence with “I think.”

Backdate your weblog as necessary.

(AKMA’s article also spells out beautifully exactly why engineers frequently feel that cynicism is called for.)

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