The scene: a conference room in the White House
The players: All the president’s men and women
The topic: Getting to Yes when it comes to war

“Look,” says the senior advisor, “They won’t let us take this bastard out unless we have [making air quotes with fingers] an ‘international coalition’ behind us to cover our ass? Fine. Let’s go to the UN.”

The air pressure in the room drops as people gasp. There are outraged murmurs of “The UN??,” and “No freaking way we’re going to there!” and “My heavens, why on earth would we cede any authority to that illegitimate attempt to destroy our national sovereignty?”

“No, you’re missing the point. We go to the UN and make our case. But here’s the beauty part. Since we don’t have evidence connecting Iraq to Al Qaeda…”

“Hell,” interrupts someone, “We’d have to bomb Saudi Arabia if that were the point!”

“… And since we don’t have evidence of plants building weapons of mass destruction, we’ll say this is all about his failure to abide by UN resolutions. And we’ll get the UN to issue our ultimatum for us, one that Saddam can’t and won’t honor…”

“Besides,” adds a voice, “‘honoring’ is such a subjective term.” [Snickers]

“… And then we go in with full UN backing.”

A chorus of voices responds:

“Brilliant!”

“We get Saddam and we pervert the UN at the same time!”

“And all without even paying the money we owe to the UN!”

“And we can get Russia to side with us in the Security Council by agreeing to look the other way as they bomb the crap out of Cechnya!”

“Pooty-poot will eat it right up! Sweet!”

“Gentlemen and lady, a toast! To the United Nations, at last showing its value by making the world safe for war.”

Categories: Uncategorized dw