By holding my thumb over the first letter of my JOHO business card, I have obtained the transcript of the recent strategy meeting at Toho Corp.

CEO: Tell me, my loyal subordinates, what our greatest asset is here at Toho.

CFO: It is without doubt Godzilla.

CEO: Most assuredly. And what is Godzilla?

Jr. Mktg VP: It is a 110-foot high dinosaur imbued with the ability to breathe fire.

CEO (smiling indulgently): Foolish one. Anyone else?

CTO (hesitantly): It is an archetype called up by the Japanese in response to the deep guilt, shame and horror of having initiated the Second World War in the Pacific, which ended in holocausts that destroyed two of our cities as surely as the mighty Godzilla would have?

CEO: Not even close. Anyone else? No? I’ll tell you what Godzilla, our greatest asset, is. It started as a movie so poorly made that when the man in the dinosaur suit rampgaged through a city, we didn’t bother painting the inside of cardboard buildings he knocked over. We then ran this character into the ground in a series of movies that progressively lowered the production values and became famous for being so blatantly without originality. Because these movies were so bad, “Godzilla” became branded as standing for cheeziness. He is a monster who exists only as a laughingstock.

VP Mktg: Yes, Godzilla is a brand.

CEO: Yes, but unlike any other, he is a brand-in-itself. Toyota is a brand, but they make cars that are the object of the branding. Sony is a brand but they make electronic equipment. Godzilla is a brand but there is no Godzilla.

Jr. Mktg VP: There isn’t?

CEO: Godzilla is pure brand. And that means he exists only because people remember the movies and continue to refer to him when they need to talk about something large, lumbering and ridiculous.

All: Ah. Very true. So wise.

CEO (intensely, as if in another world): So, here is your challenge. If we are to slay this mighty monster that has ravaged our land, let us today pledge to keep anyone from referring to Godzilla. Where the army has failed, where the navy has failed, let us bring on the lawyers. Together we shall rid the world of this scourge named Godzilla. And then, Toho’s noble mission will have been accomplished.

CFO: I thought our mission was to increase shareholder value …

CEO: Silence, mortal!

The transcript ends with the sound of a single gun shot.

We have much to learn from the post-marketing brilliance of Toho. This farsighted company has understood that the true aim of marketing is to drive all thought and discussion of your product off the face of the earth, especially if your product has no existence outside of what people think and say. Markets are conversations? Then let’s sue everyone into silence! Brilliant!

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