Dave Rogers is taking his need for glasses as an omen for advancing age. Yo, Dave, the real sign of advancing age is that everything becomes an omen of advancing age.

And I’ve got more bad news for you, Dave: Wait till you get bifocals. After I got my first pair ten years, I went back to the optometrist twice because they weren’t adjusted right. He conscientiously reground the lenses. But still I’d get fisheye effects looking at near things through the top and blurring looking at far things through the bottom and funhouse mirror effects off the sides. “So,” said the weary optometrist who by now had lost any possible profit from his work for me, “you’re telling me you’d like your eyes to work as well as they used to.”

Ten years later and bifocals still suck.

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