The Virtue of Indoors

I lied in yesterday’s blog. I said that I was worshipping nature from indoors. The indoors part was true. The worshipping wasn’t.

I like nature ok. Some of my favorite fruits come from nature. Also there are times when a fresh breeze will redirect the bus fumes away from my house towards my neighbor’s. Thank you. On the other hand, nature is the source of: carcinogenic sun rays, humidity, filling-freezing cold, mosquitos, fatal lightning attacks, tornadoes, droughts, chiggers, the microscopic bugs that infest every mattress, rabies, slime, eggplants, temperatures in excess of 75, quicksand, banana peels, Mothra, night-long darkness, asteroids, tape worms, monkeys’ red butts, rain, poison ivy, dog crap, needlessly pointy gravel, earthquakes and a fish floating belly up with its eyes eaten out. That’s just plain disgusting. I could go on and on. (The situation is actually much worse than I’m letting on because children may be reading this.)

And that’s why we invented the indoors. In fact, I’m writing this from indoors right now! Let me try to describe it. I’m able to adjust the temperature to one that is comfortable for our species, and the indoors automatically keeps itself at that temperature no matter what type of hissy fit Nature throws. And through the miracle of glass, a sort of hardened air — I’m not making this up! — we are able to see what is going on outside while the animals that would prey on us are kept away. This beats climbing a tree and looking down because some of the nastier animals can fly. And I’ve had doors installed so that only I and my family can enter our sanctuary without having to ask permission first. Plus I can organize my things exactly as I want and can be confident that when I return, they won’t have blown away, gotten wet, or have been gnawed by beasts.

It’s really quite remarkable and difficult to describe to those who haven’t experienced it. Try to find the next time Dean Kamen is giving a talk since I’m pretty sure he invented it.

Categories: Uncategorized dw