Meta-Oscars

They really did try to keep it short. No dance numbers. They kept Whoopi to a short, unfunny monologue. So why did it drag on for almost five hours? Because of all the damn special tributes. My free advice to Oscar: Next year, do the tributes after the last award is given out. People who really want to stay up until 1am watching Robert Redford thank the sky for shining above him are perfectly free to do so. The rest of us can go home at 11.

Biggest surprise: Jennifer Connelly’s arms. You’re supposed to have to bend over to tie your laces. If she’s joined a bowling league, apparently she’s using a monster ball.”

Biggest relief: Now that Randy Newman, after 16 nominations, has finally won an award, maybe he can write a different song.

Best argument against regaining control: Halle Berry was great until she got a grip on her emotions and started thanking her lawyers for negotiating such good deals.

Best Living Up to Her End of the Bargain: Unlike her previous time hosting, Whoopi Goldberg didn’t once use the word “beaver.”

Julia Roberts unhinging her jaw
moments before mating with Denzel Washington
and then devouring him whole.

Best Money Spent on a Publicist: In the Oscar site’s gallery of fashion-glam shots from the show, Ernest and Tova Borgnine are the second in the series, right after Nicole Kidman.

[BTW, the Oscahs! tabulator I wrote broke before I could even enter the fifth entry. If you were using it, I’m sorry.]

Categories: Uncategorized dw