1972
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Hard to believe
-- this was me in 1972.
I was born a cute
Jewish-American guy. Who knew I'd get addicted to plastic surgery, face
accusations of fathering three children, and become America's Most Ignored
Sideshow?
Even at this young
age, I latched onto the current Hot Celebrity and became a Cher look-alike
without even needing the make-up
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1982
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I get
my hair cut, my nose has taken a curve (allegedly because of a "water
skiing accident") and I shamelessly pose with one of my so-called "children."
The resemblance to Jamie Farr - starring as Klinger in the top-rated show,
M*A*S*H - is proof of how low I'll go to ride on the coat tails of the famous
and talented. |
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1987
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The hair
is a little neater, plastic surgery has made the cheeks a little less prominent,
but - as shown in the enlargement - I have had moles artfully emphasized.
And because the kids apparently like a chunkier version of "Dad,"
I've just begun a series of lipo-insertions that will continue for the rest
of my career. |
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1994
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I join Sly and Arnold
in adding the phony spectacles to make me look smart, have a prosthetic
adam's apple and a "chin sac" added, and start the depilitory
sessions to remove the head hair that people find so unsightly.
Once again I ride
on the fame of others - this time it's Mahir, the "I Kiss You!!!!"
guy
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2002
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It is
rumored that I have had hair transplanted from my head into my ears, on
my back, and even into my pubic region. Note the careful yellowing of the
teeth which seems to be the result of some type of permanent dye process.
I have had my chin re-pouched repeatedly and the extra 40 pounds of fat
(supposedly from Afghani virgins) I had distributed around my body has started
to bunch up. All in a pathetic attempt to become "The King." How
sad. |
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